Going through a divorce is often a time of hurt and anger. Everything you valued and depended on is changing, and you are understandably having a difficult time. If your emotions are high and your nerves on edge at this point in the process, you may imagine yourself gearing up for a raging battle in a California courtroom.
That might suit you fine. In fact, it is easy to imagine the sense of satisfaction you might feel if you can inflict the same pain on your spouse that you are currently feeling. However, psychologists warn divorcing couples that the release of negative emotions may feel good in the moment, but it may also continue generating negative consequences long past the signing of the divorce decree.
Protecting the children from your anger
Children are resilient, and research shows that many children rebound from their parents’ divorces within two years. Unfortunately, the more tension and conflict that exists between you and your spouse during the divorce, the more difficult it may be for your children to adjust to the changes. If you and your ex-spouse continue to battle with each other after the divorce, your children may be the innocent victims.
Psychologists suggest keeping your marital struggles away from the children as much as possible during and after the divorce but to keep them informed of any changes that affect them, such as moving out of your house. Also, as angry as you may be with your spouse, your children may benefit from a continued and close relationship with both of you.
Mediating for a peaceful resolution
Many couples find that the process of mediation is helpful in bringing them to a place where they can relate to their ex-spouses on a more civil level. Mediating their divorce allows them to work through their frustrations together and find a common ground on which they can build a positive post-divorce relationship. This will be especially beneficial as you continue to adjust your new parenting responsibilities. Not only will you set an example of cooperation for your children, but you may begin rebuilding trust with your ex-spouse.
Carrying your anger may be detrimental to your post-divorce life, your children’s well-being and your own mental health. While mediation may take some effort, you may find that it allows you to come to a place of peace that you prefer even more than the satisfaction a contentious divorce litigation may bring you.