The realization that your marriage is over is not always easy to accept. It likely came to you after much soul searching and efforts to make it work. On the other hand, perhaps it was not your choice but the decision of your spouse, and you are now left to figure out how to move forward without losing your peace of mind.
You may have an image of divorce similar to what you have seen in movies or experienced through people you know. A contentious courtroom battle where both sides fight to destroy each other does not have to be your fate too. Despite the high emotion a divorce can bring, you can take steps to keep the process peaceful and civil.
Mutual respect
Even if your divorce is the result of infidelity or another betrayal, you can resolve to be respectful in your words and actions. This may be difficult, especially if you are feeling resentful and angry. Your first impulse may be to take every opportunity to make your spouse pay or to return hurt for hurt. While this may seem like a fair and reasonable response, you may instead find that you have sacrificed your dignity and placed your children and other family members through needless pain.
By remaining respectful with your ex, you have a better chance of emerging from the divorce with a more civil resolution and a brighter outlook. You and your spouse can certainly find points of agreement and build from there. These common goals may also allow you to forgo the courtroom for a more peaceful divorce option.
Why feed the flames?
Lengthy and volatile divorce litigation seldom achieves the results a divorcing couple expects. Instead, you may end up hurting yourself and your children by draining your finances and feeding a negative state of mind. Fortunately, there are options available for spouses who are willing to negotiate in good faith and reach a settlement without the interference of a judge.
You and your spouse may choose to use mediation as a method of divorce. Through mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party to discuss the common issues of divorce, such as asset division, child custody and support matters. This method is often faster, less expensive and more satisfying than traditional litigation. With a skilled California mediator working with you, you and your spouse may reach an agreement that is mutually acceptable and sustainable.