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Don't let these fights impede a fair divorce settlement

As one of many parents in California, you want what's best for your children. While you love your kids and desire a close relationship with them, you also have a place of authority in their lives, and you should avoid always wanting to be a friend rather than a parent. Parenting often includes an ebb and flow as you strive for balance in your parent/child relationships to avoid arguments while making decisions that keep their best interests in mind. California marriages, too, can crumble under the weight of constant bickering.

Perhaps, you've already decided that you'd rather go separate ways in life than stay in an unhappy relationship. If you hope to be able to achieve a fair settlement in a swift and economically feasible fashion, there are several things to keep in mind to avoid bickering through a divorce.

Stay focused on common goals

In marriage and potentially in divorce as well, many spouses argue over a surface issue when a more serious underlying issue exists. For instance, if you often bickered about your spouse leaving a mess around the house, the mess may not really have been the problem as much as the fact that it made you feel unappreciated or taken for granted by your spouse.

If you hope to mediate your divorce, you must agree to avoid confrontation. It's helpful to focus on the main underlying issues and avoid surface-issue disagreements. In trying to resolve child custody issues, for instance, the issue might be that you both want to share holidays with your kids; so, rather than argue over each holiday on the calendar, it helps to keep the common goal in mind and try to compromise.

Both parents have a role to play

Another common type of argument that many married couples have is comparing what one parent or spouse does with the other. If one person believes that he or she works a lot harder than his or her partner, it might spark resentment or discontent. In child custody mediation, a main goal is to create a co-parenting plan that keeps the kids' best interests in mind.

You may not want to stay married to your co-parent, but you do share a common interest in life: your children. To avoid bickering through child custody negotiations, acknowledge that each of you has a special role to play in your children's lives and remember that a little bit of respect goes a long way in keeping the peace.

It's supposed to be a win/win situation

When you hope to avoid litigation in divorce, you are saying that you want to resolve all related issues as amicably as possible. If you choose alternative dispute resolution such as mediation, you aren't going into battle to win a victory over your co-parent. You're agreeing to peacefully discuss each issue of importance in order to cooperate and devise a plan that is best for everyone involved.

Mediation is not a venue to blame each other

If you hope to mediate your divorce, you should keep in mind that there are certain topics that you may not be able to talk about, and you should not expect to use the forum as a means to lambast your partner for his or her role in your divorce. Legally ending a marriage is stressful, even when the parties involved get along fairly well. You may have some lingering wounds in your heart from situations that transpired between you as spouses.

Spouses who often bicker to project blame onto the other person may find it challenging to resolve their differences in mediation. By keeping in mind that you're not there to blame each other but to work together as a team to achieve a settlement as painlessly as possible, you are one step closer to accomplishing your goals.

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Law Office of Edward S. Matisoff
3625 E. Thousand Oaks Boulevard
Suite 113
Westlake Village, CA 91362

Phone: 805-666-0980
Fax: 805-379-6722
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