Your nanny is likely a part of your family. Your children probably adore them. You’ll need them more than ever as you divorce. However, it’s going to be complicated – at least for a while.
If you’re sharing custody with your co-parent and your nanny will be working for both of you, keeping your nanny in the loop and allowing them to do their job — which is to care for your children — will require an added level of communication and organization between you and your co-parent.
Having their nanny in whichever home they’re in on any given day can help provide consistency across households for your children. However, if you and your co-parent have some different rules and expectations for your kids, your nanny needs to know so they can enforce them.
Things to keep in mind when you’re sharing a nanny
Just as you and your co-parent will benefit by having a shared calendar for your children be sure that your nanny has access to it as well. You can also include them on your co-parenting app for the things they need to know.
Here are a few other things to remember if you and your co-parent share your nanny:
- Don’t expect them to take sides in the divorce or be a messenger between you – any more than you’d expect that of your children.
- Make it clear to your nanny that they’re never to criticize or denigrate either of you to or in front of your children or share any private details they may know about your marriage or your post-divorce personal life.
- Determine how they should handle children’s expenses. You may want to give them one credit card just for that or a separate card for each home that might also be used for household expenses. Just don’t put your nanny in the middle of your support issues.
You also need to determine how your nanny will be paid and by whom. If they’ll be driving back and forth between homes, they may need more money or the use of your cars. These are the kinds of things you might want to include in a revised contract.
As you work out your parenting plan and how your nanny will be included in it, you and your co-parent can make some of these decisions so that the transition is less fraught for everyone – particularly your children.