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The term 'amicable divorce' doesn't have to be an oxymoron

When you and your spouse decided to divorce, there was no doubt several issues regarding your marital relationship that you agreed were un-resolvable. Perhaps there is even a bit of bad blood between you, either because of a particular incident that occurred or resentment or anger that built up over time. In either case, getting divorced doesn't necessarily mean you have to let such issues draw you into a contentious court battle.

There are ways to avoid confrontation. Divorce isn't easy, and you and your spouse may harbor hurt feelings; however, if you keep certain helpful tips in mind, you may be able to achieve a settlement without ever stepping foot inside a courtroom. It takes work and it requires cooperation between you and your spouse. If you both really want to leave the past behind and move on with your lives, it is definitely possible.

Do not focus on difference of opinion

If business people were to approach negotiations with an attitude of opposition, their chances for achieving a positive outcome would be little to none. Instead, successful business negotiators understand that the best way to accomplish their goals is to look for common ground between themselves and the parties with whom they are negotiating. The following information shows how this approach is helpful in divorce mediation:

  • The mediation process is designed to be non-confrontational. While you and your spouse may disagree about some things, you increase the chances of finding agreeable solutions if you look for common ground between you.
  • As parents, for instance, you both want what is best for your children. Dispute resolution can stem from this shared opinion.
  • Keep in mind that being right isn't always the highest priority. A willingness to cooperate and compromise and to build upon the opinions you have in common are key factors toward achieving a fair and agreeable settlement.

You may no longer have a lot in common as a married couple, but you can still seek common ground as parents so that you can peacefully devise a post-divorce parenting plan that helps your children transition to a new lifestyle with as little stress and disruption as possible.

Avoid digression during mediation sessions

There may still be a lot of emotional issues you want to discuss regarding the events that led to your divorce. The mediation setting is not the proper place to do so. By keeping these next tips in mind, you can expedite the mediation process and avoid confrontation:

  • Think of mediation like a business meeting. In fact, creating a list of discussion topics and sticking to the agenda is a great way to accomplish your goals to achieve a swift and amicable settlement.
  • Stay on topic, especially when discussing child-related matters, such as custody, visitation or child support. The mediator can help keep your discussion on track.
  • If you feel reach a stalemate or need a break to diffuse anger or frustration, you can ask to end a meeting and resume negotiations when you feel calm enough to do so.

Divorce mediation is based on mutual respect and a strong desire to settle your divorce without litigation. Another benefit of mediation is that it can help mitigate financial distress because it typically the least expensive option for divorce.

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Law Office of Edward S. Matisoff
3625 E. Thousand Oaks Boulevard
Suite 113
Westlake Village, CA 91362

Phone: 805-666-0980
Fax: 805-379-6722
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